stormbornvalkyrie:

"Some roses have steel thorns." For ofvalkyries

Thursday Jul 24 @ 03:23pm

arcticmonkies:

Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on

Thursday Jul 24 @ 02:49pm
Thursday Jul 24 @ 02:44pm
Thursday Jul 24 @ 02:04pm
ruinedchildhood:

these are harder then they look

ruinedchildhood:

these are harder then they look

Thursday Jul 24 @ 01:25pm

Thursday Jul 24 @ 12:47pm

digbysellars:

when ppl compliment u

image

Thursday Jul 24 @ 12:34pm

trust:

finally a career for me

image

Thursday Jul 24 @ 11:28am

Thursday Jul 24 @ 10:49am

ship-hard:

dorasfedora:

I hate when you’re at someone’s house and they’re like
‘mum, she’s hungry’
And you’re like NO DONT SAY THAT I SOUND SO NEEDY WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST SAY WE!?!?

glad to know its an international thing

Thursday Jul 24 @ 10:11am
curiosamathematica:

The Google trend for the search query “quadratic formula”.
It repeats in the same pattern every year. Down in summer, up in September, down again in December and up again in spring time before going down again in the summer. And so it goes on forever.

curiosamathematica:

The Google trend for the search query “quadratic formula”.

It repeats in the same pattern every year. Down in summer, up in September, down again in December and up again in spring time before going down again in the summer. And so it goes on forever.

Thursday Jul 24 @ 10:11am

greelin:

cyberuser:

i remember when i was 5 i used to take dancing lessons and there was this kid in 7th grade who’d make fun of me and call me “gay” but the jokes on him because i gave his younger cousin a handjob at camp so who’s gay now

i think you’re still technically gay

Thursday Jul 24 @ 10:10am

alexandranikole:

twerknugget:

i feel so bad and then the end

"Okay"

Thursday Jul 24 @ 10:09am
lodestonemusic:

sucysucyfivedolla:

sora your fuckin shoes are as big as her torso

I thought this was gonna turn into a sex joke.

lodestonemusic:

sucysucyfivedolla:

sora your fuckin shoes are as big as her torso

I thought this was gonna turn into a sex joke.

Thursday Jul 24 @ 10:05am
  • Baby: www
  • Mother: one? Wuv? Do you wuv me?
  • Baby: w-ww- Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon.
  • Many brave knights had attempted to
  • free her from this dreadful prison,
  • but non prevailed. She waited in the
  • dragon's keep in the highest room of
  • the tallest tower for her true love
  • and true love's first kiss. (laughs)
  • Like that's ever gonna happen. What
  • a load of - (toilet flush)
  • Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his
  • day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go
  • after the ogre.
  • NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME
  • MAN1
  • Think it's in there?
  • MAN2
  • All right. Let's get it!
  • MAN1
  • Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that
  • thing can do to you?
  • MAN3
  • Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's
  • bread.
  • Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.
  • SHREK
  • Yes, well, actually, that would be a
  • giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse.
  • They'll make a suit from your freshly
  • peeled skin.
  • MEN
  • No!
  • SHREK
  • They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the
  • jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's
  • quite good on toast.
  • MAN1
  • Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
  • (waves the torch at Shrek.)
  • Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The
  • men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long
  • and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the
  • men are in the dark.
  • SHREK
  • This is the part where you run away.
  • (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.)
  • And stay out! (looks down and picks
  • up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted.
  • Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and
  • throws the paper over his shoulder.)
  • THE NEXT DAY
  • There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard
  • sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures
  • to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line
  • are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto
  • who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three
  • little pigs.
  • GUARD
  • All right. This one's full. Take it
  • away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!
  • HEAD GUARD
  • Next!
  • GUARD
  • (taking the witch's broom) Give me that!
  • Your flying days are over. (breaks the
  • broom in half)
  • HEAD GUARD
  • That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch.
  • Next!
  • GUARD
  • Get up! Come on!
  • HEAD GUARD
  • Twenty pieces.
  • LITTLE BEAR
  • (crying) This cage is too small.
  • DONKEY
  • Please, don't turn me in. I'll never
  • be stubborn again. I can change. Please!
  • Give me another chance!
  • OLD WOMAN
  • Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope)
  • DONKEY
  • Oh!
  • HEAD GUARD
  • Next! What have you got?
  • GIPETTO
  • This little wooden puppet.
  • PINOCCHIO
  • I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his
  • nose grows)
  • HEAD GUARD
  • Five shillings for the possessed toy.
  • Take it away.
  • PINOCCHIO
  • Father, please! Don't let them do this!
  • Help me!
  • Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up
  • to the table.
  • HEAD GUARD
  • Next! What have you got?
  • OLD WOMAN
  • Well, I've got a talking donkey.
  • HEAD GUARD
  • Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings,
  • if you can prove it.
  • OLD WOMAN
  • Oh, go ahead, little fella.
  • Donkey just looks up at her.
  • HEAD GUARD
  • Well?
  • OLD WOMAN
  • Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little
  • nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox.
  • Talk, you boneheaded dolt...
  • HEAD GUARD
  • That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
  • OLD WOMAN
  • No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends
  • to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to
  • talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing
  • you ever saw.
  • HEAD GUARD
  • Get her out of my sight.
  • OLD WOMAN
  • No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
  • The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One
  • of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's
  • hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled
  • with fairy dust and he's able to fly.
  • DONKEY
  • Hey! I can fly!
  • PETER PAN
  • He can fly!
  • 3 LITTLE PIGS
  • He can fly!
  • HEAD GUARD
  • He can talk!
  • DONKEY
  • Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm
  • a flying, talking donkey. You might
  • have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly
  • but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey
  • fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins
  • to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink
  • to the ground.)
  • He hits the ground with a thud.
  • HEAD GUARD
  • Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.)
  • After him!
  • GUARDS
  • He's getting away! Get him! This way!
  • Turn!
  • Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally.
  • Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared
  • for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He
  • quickly hides behind Shrek.
  • HEAD GUARD
  • You there. Ogre!
  • SHREK
  • Aye?
  • HEAD GUARD
  • By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized
  • to place you both under arrest and transport
  • you to a designated resettlement facility.
  • SHREK
  • Oh, really? You and what army?
  • He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well
  • and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail
  • and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and
  • begins walking back to his cottage.
  • DONKEY
  • Can I say something to you? Listen,
  • you was really, really, really somethin'
  • back here. Incredible!
  • SHREK
  • Are you talkin' to...(he turns around
  • and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back
  • around and Donkey is right in front
  • of him.) Whoa!
  • DONKEY
  • Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell
  • you that you that you was great back
  • here? Those guards! They thought they
  • was all of that. Then you showed up,
  • and bam! They was trippin' over themselves
  • like babes in the woods. That really
  • made me feel good to see that.
  • SHREK
  • Oh, that's great. Really.
  • DONKEY
  • Man, it's good to be free.
  • SHREK
  • Now, why don't you go celebrate your
  • freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
  • DONKEY
  • But, uh, I don't have any friends. And
  • I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey,
  • wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll
  • stick with you. You're mean, green,
  • fightin' machine. Together we'll scare
  • the spit out of anybody that crosses
  • us.
  • Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very
  • loudly.
  • DONKEY
  • Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you
  • don't mind me sayin', if that don't
  • work, your breath certainly will get
  • the job done, 'cause you definitely
  • need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause
  • you breath stinks! You almost burned
  • the hair outta my nose, just like the
  • time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey
  • continues to talk, so Shrek removes
  • his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten
  • berries. I had strong gases leaking
  • out of my butt that day.
  • SHREK
  • Why are you following me?
  • DONKEY
  • I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause
  • I'm all alone, There's no one here beside
  • me, My problems have all gone, There's
  • no one to deride me, But you gotta have
  • faith...
  • SHREK
  • Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't
  • have any friends.
  • DONKEY
  • Wow. Only a true friend would be that
  • cruelly honest.
  • SHREK
  • Listen, little donkey. Take a look at
  • me. What am I?
  • DONKEY
  • (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really
  • tall?
  • SHREK
  • No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your
  • torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that
  • bother you?
  • DONKEY
  • Nope.
  • SHREK
  • Really?
  • DONKEY
  • Really, really.
  • SHREK
  • Oh.
  • DONKEY
  • Man, I like you. What's you name?
  • SHREK
  • Uh, Shrek
Thursday Jul 24 @ 10:04am
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